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It Is Good That My Ego Is In Despair!

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Baal HaSulam, Shamati #59 “About the Rod and the Serpent”: However, if one’s mind does not attain it, but resists one’s mind, then one should say that the faith is of superior importance to one’s mind. It follows that at that time one lowers one’s mind, and says that what he understands within reason, that he resists the path of the Creator, that faith is more important than his mind. This is because all the concepts that contradict the path of the Creator are worthless concepts.

Rather, “that have eyes, and see not, that have ears, and hear not.” It means that one annuls everything that one hears and sees, and this is called going above reason.

If I try to acquire powers from the environment and from the Creator and keep following the spiritual path, although it seems useless and hopeless, it means that I work in faith and in bestowal since I disregard what my mind tells me.

I may still hope to receive what I desire at some point, that I will see some benefit later on, although I don’t see it now. In that case, I work within reason as I simply accept a certain extension and hope to see everything around the corner.

I also may perceive this as an opportunity to give up the reward, to rise to the level of bestowal and to follow this path without any account of future self-benefit and without any hope of receiving something in the future. I don’t even want to have such hopes, but simply want to carry on knowing that there is nothing in it for me and that there will not be anything, and still I do it so that, together with the friends, we will delight the Creator.

From this point, I have the right to ask for powers. I mustn’t look for any material support when feeling despair, like, “Later I will see. Things will surely open up for me. Redemption will come since it comes all at once, suddenly.” This is how people who invest in the stock market feel when the stocks fall, hoping for a future rise, calming themselves that there is comfort in the trouble of many.

However, we have seized this moment of despair in order to say that, “I don’t see any reward, and it is all one big misfortune in which there is nothing for me, and it is good that it is so!” My reward is in the fact that I can now perform actions without any reward. I will receive the fuel from Above.

I am given such conditions now that there is no reason for me to move and I have no fuel to move with. My machine won’t work without fuel, but now I must receive fuel from Above. I understand that I need the Creator and will demand these powers from Him.

These are several delicate points here that will be clarified  in the future.
[133506]
From the Daily Kabbalah Lesson 4/20/14, Shamati #59 and #190

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